Let's Hate SJW Hypocrisy (Part I)

There are some hard truths in life. Personally, I've accepted that my tombstone will read something along the lines of "He died as he lived. Like a bitch." But some people don't want to accept reality, instead they pathetically attempt to move the metaphorical goal posts to better fit their narcism, especially when it involves confrontation. Look, men and women are different physically, I get that. Just like I don't hit a toddler for pissing me off during a tantrum or uppercut an old man complaining in line behind me at the deli, I'm not going to start shit when a women loses control of her emotions. But there is a line. When some smug liberal college girl comes stomping her hams at me during a protest and throws a slap or a punch, I'm going to understandably beat the shit out of her. And not just because I can't tell the creature's gender without closer inspection. I guess what I'm trying to say is that equality goes both ways. You want to come up and kick me in the balls? Fine, but I'm upper cutting your ovaries too. Same thing goes for the whole "more women in video game design and STEM fields" argument. Is the fucking gender ratio of coalminers, active duty soldiers, and garbage men fine? Or do these post modern activists not want those jobs? Nah, couldn't be that. Not at all.

Let's Hate Crybaby Shitbags (like Ellen Pao)

HEY PAO, FUCK YOU! When you're a narcissist deluded with your own reality, you're always going to be a the victim. It's crazy, but some people are just like that. No matter what happens. No goddamned matter what fucking happens. Like if you were to say, sleep with another partner of a multi-billion dollar company. Who is married. And then perform shitty work, get into fights with other employees and eventually get fired for being such a shithead. To your crazy ass, the real underlying problem is that you're a female and they just hate you for that. Despite them employing thousands of women with no other problems. In this situation you're only logical recourse is to of course sue for over a BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. And when the courts say your crazy and you lose, to desperately try and appeal it while saying "it's not about the money". But no. Nooo. She doesn't stop pissing me off there. Instead of living in a box behind a City Wok in NYC she's been taken in by the one of two* places that actually likes breeding this kind of immature, pathetic behavior and is now making the big bucks again at le Reddit xD. HEY PAO, FUCK YOU!

*The other one is Tumblr**, duh.

** #problematicproblems

Let's Hate Soda

Mmmmm, I love me some soda. It's so sweet and tangy and you gotta love that carbonation. Altogether that is. If you take a closer look at each part of soda logic begins to break down. You see, myself, like most people, hate flat soda. What this means is you hate the fucking taste of that soda. Because that's all you're tasting. Likewise, carbonated water is some sort of abomination that gives you a really nice burning sensation as a fuck you for being healthy. So what does all of this mean? It means that soda is a product that, when broken down, is a bunch of shitty stuff everybody hates. But combined it somehow tricks us into thinking it's delicious. It's like if I took a house fire and anthrax poisoning and combined them, they would turn into something wonderful. There is must be some sort of black magic happening down in the dungeons of Coca Cola because I cannot understand how much I despise the individual aspects of pop while loving the whole shabang. So fuck you soda, for not making any goddamned sense.

Let's Hate Anime Weirding Up Awesome Stories

Alright guess what these 3 plots have in common: 1: Thousands of people log in to a virtual reality server for a new MMORPG and get trapped in it, if they die in the game they die in real life, and the only way to get out is by winning the game. 2: A portal from our modern world into a Tolkein-esque fantasy realm opens up, and in minutes you have tanks blowing dragons out of the sky. 3: A pilot from a hyper-advanced human civilization crash lands on water world Earth, whose inhabitants were left behind centuries ago during an exodus to the stars. He proceeds to start fucking shit up with his future robot suit. Give up? All three of these have been A: daydreams of nerds everywhere and B: Anime series. Which wold be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that everything coming out of Japan now is weird-ass pedosexual shit. Stuff like Jin-Roh, Akira and Cowboy Bebop were great in their time, but holy fuck this stuff has gone way off the rails now. Incest, tentacles, and basketball sized tits are now taking the place of cool fucking stories I want to watch. If they don't wise up and fix this soon western developers will just keep stealing their shit like they did with Edge of Tomorrow. All I'm asking is keep the creative, original stories but stop adding in a fucking 12 year old girl in booty shorts humping her brother or a protagonist raping a fish. Actually, now that I'm actually writing this out, I'm thinking I'm the minority. This is what people want so that's why it's being added in to all these shows. Fuck, alright, it's up to me then. Now I just need to fix up the Enola Gay and I'll go settle this the American way.

Let's Hate Astrology

I'm gonna make an astrology reading for you: FOR FREE!!! So, when were you born? Okay got it, that makes sense. Are you a boy or a girl? Of course. Alright, so based on your astral data, I'm going to describe you as "someone who knows people", you like to eat food and drink water. You have emotions and I see you meeting someone new in your future. Boom, done, I'm an astrologer. But seriously, if I made that shit a bit more specific it would read just like a fucking horoscope. I don't get people who actually take this idiotic bullshit seriously. I understand how they see what they want in what they read, but why not just go full delusional and make up their own prophecies and shit? Do they really think that reading bullshit in a newspaper makes them any less crazy? I don't know, and I don't really care. If that's the only way the 40 year old over weight cat lady is gonna think she's still got a shot at getting married or leading a fulfilling life, so be it. There are worse things in the world. Like fucking gypsies. 

Let's Hate Proxy Wars (Yemen Edition)

Let's say I was mad at you, and you were mad at me. Like, to the point where we both want to fight each other. Now let's say I'm too pussy to take you on myself because I think you might hurt me, and you wanna try out some new kick on me but haven't ever tried it before. What do we do? We each go get a midget and have them battle it out instead, that way I don't get hurt and you can tell your midget to do that new move and see how it works. That's a proxy war (I'm not too good at metaphors). Since March, two major factions claiming to represent the "real" Yemeni government have been engulfed in a civil war. One side is back by the U.S. and Saudi Arabia while the other side is supported by Iran. Instead of duking it out in a good old-fashioned war of regional powers, we've all decided to turn Yemen into a battleground so none of us get booboos. Saudi air assets are bombing the shit out of Houthi areas, killing civilians and rebels alike. Iran has aligned with the Shi'ite Houthis and the battle line seems to be a sectarian one. So you know what that means: blah blah blah sectarian massacres, something something foreign jihadists coming in, yadda yadda suicide bombings. Oh well, it seems like the most productive thing that will be coming out of this war will be more liveleak videos of tanks getting #REKT.

Let's Hate Basic Income

You know what welfare is? You know, the system of public aid that began as a way to stop families from starving to death during the great depression and has evolved into making sure inner city stoop dwellers can buy the newest iphone without getting a job? Well, hip young kids that certainly aren't naive/arrogant about the realities of our world have just finished up their philosophy 101 class and are now rallying behind the idea of a basic income. Simply put, the idea calls for money to be distributed amongst the population to insure we all have money as more and more jobs become automated. While wannabe marxists are on social media shilling post-scarcity bullshit, the rest of the world is chugging along. While not working and eating burgers all day would be nice, the idea that technology is going to turn the human workforce obsolete is just this generation's Y2K. Humans are such narcissistic assholes that every generation thinks theirs is the most important, that they are undergoing a pivotal time and dramatic shift in human history. Nope. Sorry guys. I mean hell, we are still waiting for a nuclear war, I mean, we've been prepping for one for what? 70 something fucking years now? So stop talking about the goddamned singularity and go back to making my chocolate frappe, you zit faced, Che shirt-wearing, Karl Marx-reading redditor.