Let's Hate Zombie Pop Culture

You wanna know something scarier than zombies? Living human beings. You know, the things that use guns and knives and like to rape and kill each other? Besides the fact that even the most rudimentary understanding of biology discards the potential for zombies, idiots love to buy shit to help them "prepare" for the day zombies roam the streets. These nerfgun-toting badasses spend so much time thinking about their zombie strategies when they'd benefit from something more realistic like, oh I don't know, how about a "black guy gets killed by cops and my white ass is still downtown when the riots hit" strategy, or even just an "I just cooked microwave noodles and am all out of forks" plan. Be realistic, that's all I'm asking. Fucking Max Brooks. Your stupid zombie books sold like hot cakes while my ebonics to english dictionary got me thrown out of Penguin House. Bastard.

Let's Hate Immigration Quotas

Have you ever seen a homeless person? Probably. Think of the least crazy/alcoholic/rapey hobo you've ever seen, the most emotionally appealing one let's say. Now, when you saw him, did you let him come and live in your house, no questions asked? You didn't? Well, I guess that's reasonable, ya know, you can't just let people do that willy nilly for many obvious reasons. Well I don't think some of the Migrant Quota proponents over in the EU feel the same way. Mass movements of migrants are sailing north from africa through the mediterranean to the southern european cost. Now, I understand that my EU proposition for US Navy target practice on such ships was not ratified, however, suggesting that EU nations force each other to take in of thousands these people to meet quotas is a bit ridiculous. I mean who knows what kind of potential criminals you're allowing into your country. Oh... we do know? COME ON ITALY STEP UP YOUR GAME NIGGA. 10TH CRUSADE WHEN?

Let's Hate Ocean Creatures

Or more specifically, deep sea creatures. An estimated 50-80% of all life on earth is found under the ocean surface and the oceans contain 99% of the living space on the planet. Less than 10% of that space has been explored by humans. 85% of the area and 90% of the volume constitute the dark, cold environment we call the deep sea. That means the majority of living space on our planet is this lovecraftian void of nightmares and anus-clenching life like this guy right up here. Listen up. FUCK THAT. Do I even need to explain why? He is literally, I mean fucking literally, A UNHOLY MONSTER FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL. And you know at what depth the deep sea starts? Do you really want to know? No turning back now... You know when you're swimming in a lake or on the beach or even a public pool and your feet can't touch the ground? That's where deep sea starts. Anytime, anywhere, for anybody, he's right there with other friends that want to eat you and your happiness. 

Let's Hate People Not Bending the Knee

Some people just don't understand. They live their lives aimlessly, turning to vices like drugs and booze and not living their lives to their fullest. They have no motivation, no pride, no heart. Some men. But not this man. Not Stannis. The one true king, Stannis Baratheon, first of his name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm. He is not some man. He is Azor Ahai reborn, the lord of light and wielder of lightbringer, burner of heretics and conquerer of Westeros. This is a public reminder that if you have not bent your knee in fealty to our Lord Stannis, please do so now and spare you and your family the fate of feeding R'hllor, who always hungers. And to you USURPER FUCKING SHITS, he's coming for you whether your a Blackfyre bastard, R+L=fag, or just some dumb bitch dragon queen, you're all gonna burn.

Let's Hate Vaping

                     

Nah bro, I aint smoking, this is my VAPE HAHA. Way better than smoking brah, it's not bad for you like those cigarette sickos! Check out this sweet cloud *blows obnoxiously large cloud of smoke that smells like fruity perfume a 13 year old girl would wear* Just got this new tank, it carries so much ejuice, haha that's what we call the the shit we suck up into our lungs. All natural bruv! Just some fucking formaldehyde going directly into my bloodstream. Carcinogen? What's that bro!? Haha whatever, you're just jealous of my clouds man! They're so big because of my atomizer, it only cost me $400. Atomizer bro, it atomizes my ejuice. An atomizer bro, it uhhh, atomizes my stuff. Into atoms. You don't know what you're talking about dude, you're just jealous of these dank ass clouds boi! *inhales a prepubescent anal grease flavored cloud of poison gas*

Let's Hate China('s Fake Islands)

You ever play Civilization 5 and buy territory to expand fast around other player's land? You know where that jew-tier strategy doesn't work? The real world. China. China. China, listen here buddy. I know you think you're clever making tiny concrete islands, moving money desperately needed to develop your crumbling infrastructure and the medical system about 1 billion of your population doesn't have access to into a pathetic attempt at saber-rattling. But really, as a friend you need to get your shit together. Your pissing your neighbors off and now you've got the US Navy pivoting it's fleet towards your rinky dink targe - I mean your bases comrade, your grorious red bases. You're pulling some Lex Luthor shit. If you're going to refuse literally every other country's calls to stop then at least put some of your dead and dying children to use a la the great wall and sandbag those ocean parking lots with corpses, I'd hate for a typhoon to come and play Falling Sand. Damn, that was a fun game to kill half an hour with. Anyways, my point is you suck and we all hate you and this is going to end with you getting embarrassed, just like literally everything else you do.

Let's Hate Millennials (PART I)

I'm going to be honest for a minute. I don't know what a millennial is specifically; I like to think the defining criteria is a gray line that lets me lump in the young histrionic sluts, tumblr whales living in their world of denial and diet coke, gay trans gender queers wanting to crucify my cis white privileged cock (which I assure you is almost average-lengthed), and barristas. I hate all of you and so do most normal people. The 21st century has given all of you a voice through internet and a post-modern college campus mentality. STOP USING IT. Go outside and get made fun of and chosen last for kickball to remind you that you're shit. Because you are, just like the rest of us. Hiding in your online echo chambers with naive, thin-skinned liberals living in fantasy SJW land isn't going to help you find a job, then again getting a degree is lesbian studies isn't going to either you passive aggressive pussies. 

#problematicproblems