Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Let's Hate Undeservedly Proud Parents





How many times at your workplace or family gatherings or your local homeless shelter have you heard parents (usually first time ones) go on and on about how smart and gifted their child is?  It's good to be proud of your children when they do something to be proud of, you know like cutting on the dotted line or getting more than 50% of their pee into the toilet. But some parents are proud of their children beyond justification. Like when I heard a mom brag "Muh bebe always latches right on me, he always eats like a gud boy!" Congratulations? Your baby isn't starving itself to death, hurray! Babies are cute and childbirth is incredible but have you ever seen something like a monkey give birth? That baby monkey pops out and starts climbing on it's mother and peeling bananas and shit. Now that is fucking awesome and his ape momma can be proud of that. On the other hand, humans literally give birth to a 2 pound lump of gray brain meat that is helpless inside what is basically just a squishy, flailing mech suit. And it just gets worse from there. Like first grader parents who are really fucking arrogant and demand their child read "smarter" books and practice more advanced arithmetic when in reality their little turds can't stop stabbing classmates with scissors, shitting their pants and eating glue.


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